What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.

Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? Bart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about! Inflammable means flammable? What a country. I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.

Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes! Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

1. Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
2. That's why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.
3. Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.

Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*

Homer no function beer well without. I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird," and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

• Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!
• A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
• Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three "Highlander" movies.

A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns." Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

Bart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who's been screwing with this thing?

Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Save me, Jeebus. Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze. I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.

…And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. Ahoy hoy? I prefer a vehicle that doesn't hurt Mother Earth. It's a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.

I'll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. I didn't get rich by signing checks. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.

And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds… Oh, I've wasted my life.

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

I stand by my racial slur. I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me. I'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that's a *really* useful invention!