Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly" and replace "dog" with "son."

I've had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children… Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man? Bart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

Fire can be our friend; whether it's toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.

Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly" and replace "dog" with "son." Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. Get ready, skanks! It's time for the truth train!

1. Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three "Highlander" movies.
2. I hope I didn't brain my damage.
3. Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!

Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I work, I work.

Human contact: the final frontier. I'll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns."

• Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
• Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
• When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows. Look out, Itchy! He's Irish! I can't go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.

I've had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children… Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns."

I hope I didn't brain my damage. I didn't get rich by signing checks. Look out, Itchy! He's Irish! You don't win friends with salad. Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three "Highlander" movies.

How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.

"Thank the Lord"? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don't have a place within an organized religion. Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. Please do not offer my god a peanut.

I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns." …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

D'oh. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get. You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie "The Never Ending Story." I stand by my racial slur.

Human contact: the final frontier. Slow down, Bart! My legs don't know how to be as long as yours. I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns." I've had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…